Step Four: A Peer Review

Title: Thomas Jefferson is a Liar

Date: 11/18/2010

Decision: Revise and Resubmit

Dear Author:

After surveying the work that you submitted, we have found many timely, relevant, and compelling issues within its context. Although we find the issue at hand to be a controversial (and thus very relevant and compelling), we feel as if the argument that you are presenting has some minor flaws and that resubmission of the essay would benefit you as a Commonplace writer.

1. We enjoyed how you linked Thomas Jefferson and the American Declaration of Independence’s claim to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” We feel as if it brings a unique perspective toward a controversial issue. However, we have found some discrepancies in the presentation of this argument throughout the essay. For example, in the first paragraph, you quoted “When it comes to abortion, men are not equal and they have no rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” ; in the fourth paragraph where you describe the party scenario, however, the absolute words such as “not equal” and “no rights” change into words such as “limited” and “questionable.” Solidifying this counter-argument further and using it to help your main purpose will help make the work more convincing to your audience and in turn, make it more relevant.

2. Throughout the essay, we felt as if the tone was very strongly pro-male and seemed to be accusatory in nature. Make sure you take into account the other side of the argument. For example: What about the woman who is carrying the child? Are all men really responsible? Showing knowledge of the other side of the argument will increase your ethos and make the work more compelling for the whole Commonplace audience.

Even with these structural and sentence revisions and suggestions, we feel as if the essay as a whole is a good essay, but with revising and reviewing, it can be a great essay. By revising the tone and the central argument of the essay, you can make it more timely, relevant, and compelling.

Sincerely,

{Peer Review Group}