Title: Thomas Jefferson Is a Liar
Date: 11/18/10
Decision: Revise and Resubmit
Dear Author:
Many thanks for the chance to review your manuscript, “Thomas Jefferson Is a Liar.” You argue that men don’t have any say in abortion and “when it comes to abortion, men are not equal and they have no rights to life, liberty, and/or the pursuit of happiness.” Although your argument is timely and deals with a pressing issue, we cannot recommend your manuscript for the following reasons:
1. Most importantly we have a concern with your tone throughout the manuscript and believe it is not tone-appropriate. In your manuscript you wrote, “so why let the government and women steal your right away as the father of the unborn and not having a say?” Instead of alienating women and the government, expand on your previous sentence where you labeled the men as “responsible” and implore them to take charge of the situation as opposed to defaming women. Doing this would make your tone more appropriate because it would change your tone from anti-women to pro-men.
2. One of the potential strong suits of your essay is its informal nature. Therefore we believe you should decide to keep the manuscript either completely informal or formal throughout. For instance you jump from an entirely formal first paragraph to a more informal second paragraph. The syntax and usage of rhetorical questions like “is it that two people lay down, roll around, and magically the women gets pregnant?” create an informal tone. Furthermore your usages of such vernacular like “hmmm” and “cause” may detract from your overall credibility.
Sincerely,
31A
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