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Title: Thomas Jefferson is a Liar
From: 31A
Date:11/18/2010
Decision: Revise and Resubmit


Dear Author,
We greatly appreciate the opportunity to review your manuscript, “Thomas Jefferson is a Liar.” You argue that men should have equal say in whether a baby that they fathered should be born or not. As evidence, you provide examples from Dr. Author Shostak, a Professor of Sociology at Drexel University, ad well as quotes from the Declaration of Independence. Although the topic you chose and the argument you make fulfills the timely, relevant, and compelling requirement, we cannot recommend your manuscript for several reasons:
1. We feel that the most important and apparent reason for our decision is the tone you use in your manuscript. You alienate youre audience throughout your paper, instantly erasing half of the possible audience. Women would most likely stop reading by the beginning of the second paragraph because of your aggressive argument towards them. Some of youre points are undoubtedly valid, however the way you present them in many cases seems offensive towards women rather than constructive. For instance, the sarcastic manner in which you discuss how a woman is inpregnated is inappropriate because you downplay the intelligence of the entire gender of women by assuming that they are unaware it takes a male and female to procreate. We recommend that you rephrase instances like this, perhaps saying something like “It is a known fact that it takes both a male sperm and female egg to create human life, so why is it that only the female gets a say on whether an unborn child lives or dies?” Similarly, in the situation you depict in which a male picks up a female and they have unprotected sex, you make sure to tell of how the woman assured the male that everything would be ok and she was on birth control. If you want to keep this argument, we would recommend not blaming the situation on the deciet of the female saying she was on birth control but rather stating that the birth control somehow failed. That is a much less offensive way to give a possible situation.
2. Though the evidence you include about the study done is effective, it is not enough to support your entire argument. We recommend finding more studies done and more evidence that there are long term effects of men not getting an equal choice on whether a baby is born or not. For instance, include how young, unmarried parents struggle to support the child. This would be extremely effective because we feel people will show a lot more compassion for your argument if the well-being of the child is considered. Finally, make sure you include situations that aren’t just casual sex. We thought that a rape victim would be an obvious situation in which youre argument does not apply.
Though we gave you many suggestions about youre manuscript, we feel that you do present some pretty good points that have strong evidence supporting them. You take a very unique stance on the issue and that makes it extremely compelling. If you revise some of these issues and resubmit we feel you would have a much better chance of being published on Commonplace.